FUn Talk
by Phabel
Summary: There's a talk show where fictional characters from different universes are featured. Aang is interviewed, but a certain titan slayer serves as a surprise guest, and challenges everything Aang has to say. Then more people come, insults are uttered, punches are thrown, cabbages are destroyed, and Azula acts like a total 雌犬. In short: "FUn" Talk turns ugly (but still funny for us).
1. Chapter 1

The lively theme music played and audience clapped enthusiastically as Claudius Tempsmith***** stepped out onto the stage, his charismatic white smile glistening from the bright spotlight that shined down on him. Ever since the discovery of the existence of fictional universes thirty years prior, he'd hosted the massively popular Fictional Universe Talk show (otherwise known as FUn Talk). There, using their advanced beings from parallel dimensions could be beamed in to be featured on the show.

As a result, many of the characters grew to know (or know of) each other over time. This led to a few mishaps early on (something about two alternate universes at war...but it's not important).

The dark wood beneath Claudius's feet shined brightly, as if it were covered in a layer of glass. Immediately behind him was a long, thin, oval glass table with a dark brown couch to the left and a cushy green chair that faced the couch to the right. Behind that was a massive window, out of which you could see a marvelous view of the cityscape at night. To his left and right, dark red curtains lined the walls, hiding crew members, dressing rooms, producers, and (most importantly) the featured characters from view.

The audience that sat in rows of chairs before and above him was never let in on the sort of being that would be interviewed, though it was usually two characters with opposing ideologies. The people love a fight, and even a heated argument would help to bring the ratings up. Once, the producer made the mistake of pairing up Superman and The Hulk, and they started arguing over which comic book company was better: Marvel or DC. The fighting got so intense that...let's just say they had to get a new producer. And crew. And building.

But, hey, ratings were at an all-time high.

Soon, the thunderous clapping died down, and Claudius held the microphone to his lips. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight, we will be welcoming a boy who, at twelve, managed to end a war that had lasted for over one hundred years. Please welcome...Avatar Aang!"

The audience clapped again, but not quite as loud as before. Many of them were likely hoping he would announce the name of Prince Zuko, who had in some respects become a caricature of himself (and a common subject of creepy their fanart).

Even so, the airbender stepped out on stage, smiling bashfully and waving to his fans. He walked gracefully toward the couch ahead of him, and then sat down.

Truthfully, the airbender hadn't wanted to go that night. He didn't agree with the way FUn Talk tries to instigate arguments. Even so, though, it was always nice to meet fans, and maybe he could help people from different worlds with their problems, as well.

The applause died down, and Claudius - who was now sitting in the chair at the other end of the table - turned to Aang.

"Hello, Avatar! Welcome to our fine planet. We hope you've made yourself at home."

"It's been a pleasure," Aang replied, giving Tempsmith a polite but confident smile.

"Aang," Claudius began, "your defeat of Fire Lord Ozai truly inspired us here on this planet. Some have called your choice to keep him alive the greatest blow against war and violence in recent history -"

"Wow, really? Who?" Aang cut in. Tempsmith scratched his forehead.

"Well - er - we don't exactly have a _name_. Just a tumblr URL -"

Aang chuckled. "That's okay. You were saying?"

"Ah, yes," he continued, "could you please explain to us what was going through your head just before you discovered energybending?"

Aang gave an inaudible sigh of relief. It seemed as if they only wanted to learn more about the path he chose; perhaps this wasn't such a bad show, after all.

"Well, I was feeling pretty desperate. Everyone kept telling me I had to give up what I believed in - give up my _humanity_ - in order to end the war. I kept telling myself that there was another way; there's always another way. And, sure enough, I was standing on it!" He finished off with a laugh, and the audience laughed along, then breaking out into cheering and applause.

Aang beamed at the enthusiasm. These people, even though he lived worlds away from them, clearly understood the weight of what he went through, and the joy that was being victorious over violence without resorting to it.

Soon, though, it died down, and Tempsmith addressed him again. "Now, what if I told you -" he was cut off momentarily by a loud sound that came from behind the curtain to the far left. Some security personnel went back there to see what was up. He continued, "What if I told you that there were some people who disagreed with that belief?"

"I wouldn't doubt it. We all have different opinions," he said, trying to brush the comment aside. This wasn't what he'd hoped for.

Tempsmith's white smile seemed to grow slightly. "Well, what if I told you one of those people was in the building tonight?" he replied, addressing the audience more than he was addressing Aang.

Without waiting for an answer from Aang, Tempsmith boomed, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Eren Jaeger!"

* * *

***Claudius Tempsmith is a side character from _The Hunger Games_. It's not important; just know that the technology in their world is extremely advanced (and often used solely for entertainment purposes), which is how they're able to beam fictional characters into their universe.**

**This chapter is mainly setup, and I'll most likely have the new chapter (with more comedy) up by 3/6.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: I haven't read ahead in the manga, so this is right after Eren defeats Annie (aka end of season one). Also, my apologies for the late update.**

The audience went nuts as the dark-haired Shigishani boy walked into the room. Eren was unsure what to make of the roaring applause; being in front of an audience didn't typically mean good things for him. He smiled at them a bit awkwardly, scratched his shaggy brown hair, and walked over to the couch where he sat next to Aang.

The airbender wasn't pleased. Not in the least. He'd heard things about Eren, and from what he heard, the kid was a _maniac_. All his thoughts consumed by poisonous revenge, driven to throw away all humanity and simply _kill_. Frankly, it scared the bejeezus out of him to even be in the same room as that psychopath, especially since he couldn't bend while he wasn't in his home world. He scooted to the far side of the couch.

Claudius flashed him a bright white smile. "Welcome, Mr. Jaeger! How does it feel to star in the biggest anime since _Death Note_?"

"...I don't know what that is..." Eren mumbled, still trying to cope with the surrealness of being surrounded by thousands of admirers.

Claudius chuckled, and said kindly, "That's alright. Well, we were all just wondering if we could ask you a few things about being a titan shifter?" Again, the audience cheered. Eren didn't understand why, but felt determined to please them.

"Okay," he agreed, with a bit of an awkward smile on his face. Claudius chuckled again.

"Well, what was it like when you were defeating Annie?"

The smile evaporated. His pupils contracted as he thought back to that fight. His memories were all blood red and foggy, but with a sharp, distinct sensation - a hunger - welling up within him and exploding outward with animalistic ferocity -

"_Like I could to destroy everything_," he responded after a moment, a distant look in his eyes. A smile formed on his lips in spite of himself.

Aang scooted further away.

Claudius had an odd look frozen on his face: a mix between smiling and disturbed. He exchanged concerned glances with a producer who was peeking from behind a curtain, as if to say, "Seriously? This kid's _how_ old?"

He cleared his throat, straitened his tie, and said, "Well, Aang here was just mentioning -"

"I heard him," Eren cut Tempsmith off, "and I think he's foolish. You can't just _assume_ the best of everything that's alive. Some things will destroy, and kill, and won't stop unless you stop them first."

Aang sighed. He'd been baited into an argument, and if he didn't stand his ground, people would never understand his beliefs. "There are ways to keep people from getting hurt without killing. It's kind of immature to think -"

"No!" Eren interjected. "You know what's immature? _Standing down_ when the world needs you. It's pathetic, selfish, greedy, weak, and -"

"HEY!" interrupted a loud, female voice from behind the curtains on the right side of the stage. The entire audience, along with Aang, Eren, and Tempsmith, turned around. "_No one_ talks to my boyfriend that way!"


	3. Chapter 3

"Katara!" Aang exclaimed, beaming and blushing simultaneously.

Eren wasn't as pleased.

"Oh, this is your girlfriend? She's pretty lucky; you're such a pushover, I bet she gets whatever she wants."

(The audience yelled "Ooooh!" encouragingly).

Katara put her hands on her hips. "At least his girlfriend isn't his sister."

(Roaring with laughter, the audience cheered enthusiastically at her retort.)

Meanwhile, Claudius had gone backstage to meet with his producers. Something was wrong: only Aang and Eren were supposed to have been teleported into the talk show.

His absence left the discussion unmoderated.

"So your girlfriend has to win your arguments for you, coward?" Eren yelled, standing up from his seat on the couch.

Aang tried to explain. "I didn't want this to be an argument in the first place."

Suddenly, running out from the right side of the curtains, someone yelled, "At least *pant* Mikasa doesn't give *pant pant* preachy monologues about hope all the time!"

"Little late on the comeback, Jean," Eren remarked.

"Yeah, well, it's kind of hard to *pant* sprint fifty meters, jump into some weird portal that takes you to some other universe or something, _and_ *pant* have a perfectly timed comeback!"

"I seem to manage," murmured a sinister voice from behind Jean.

It was Azula.

Now, the audience had caught on that none of this was planned. It was well known that there was a strict "No Villains Allowed" policy at FUn Talk. Something had gone wrong.

They fell completely silent, except for a single, chubby woman who yelled out, "SHIT'S GONE CRAAAAAAAAAY".


End file.
